About playfulness

 

I am not a playful type. I don't enjoy playing cards, I am unable to fight for victory, and board games make me physically ill. In the past ten years, I played Monopoly once, and even then, it was out of obligation. I ended up in jail right at the beginning of the game and stayed there for ten rounds because I couldn't roll two sixes to get out. Meanwhile, the others bought all the hotels and developed half of the city. I watched them apathetically and realized that it's clear this is not my kind of game. Fighting for money, competing with others, and owning more things do not excite me. I don't think I'm alone in this. At the same time, what saddens me most that playfulness has disappeared from my life completely. The number of times I do something purely for the joy of it is minimal. Duty has become more important, and besides, I am an adult woman, full of goals and tasks. Who has time to play?

 

However, I remember those childhood images when I drew with complete immersion, making a comic book just for the sake of it. Yes, I know, it's unbelievable. But at age six, I made a comic book about the power of water. As an adult, it astounds me that I did that just because it interested me and made me feel good.

 

Where did this childlike playfulness go? Why did I forget how to play? Why do I take myself so seriously?

 

Lately, I've been thinking more and more about how to bring playfulness back into my life. I always come to a conclusion that I need to lose the control over my life. What if I allowed myself to be more joyful? What if I started drawing comics again? Of course, negative thoughts immediately kick in, saying that I can no longer draw, and I have no comic book ideas at all. But what if none of those matters? What if I started doing something just because it feels good? Out of curiosity, experimentation, purely for the joy of it, without any specific goal.