To Begin

As with every new beginning, I have mixed feelings. It doesn't matter if I'm starting a new job or a yoga class, the feeling is always the same. The first reaction is a stomach-clenching fear. Fear of the new, the unknown, not knowing anyone, not knowing what will happen, if I can handle the situation, if I am enough for this next level I'm about to take. I create stories in my head, imagining all the negative (of course) possibilities, I can go as far as surreal extremes, usually ending up in an uncomfortable situation, embarrassed, laughed at, and everyone thinking I'm clumsy. This suffocating feeling torments me until suddenly the other side of the same feeling appears, excitement. The pleasant tingling from starting something new, life taking a different path, new opportunities arrive, personal growth, meeting new people.

 

I read somewhere that fear doesn't exist, only excitement does. We live our lives based on the patterns instilled in us and accepted by our surroundings, and as a result, fear becomes the first reaction to every new situation. I find that fear is a completely normal human trait, part of our defence mechanism. The only question is how much we let it overpower us or if we consciously start redirecting it towards the feeling of excitement.

 

What I currently feel is a mixture of fear and excitement. I'm afraid to show myself, that I'm here, but at the same time, there is a much greater excitement within me to start writing.