About ghosting

There was a time when the only way I could deal with unpleasant situations in my life was by simply disappearing. I would step out of the situation and run away. Sometimes I would do it without saying a word, leaving the other person without any notification. I know this isn't a nice thing to do, but at that time I didn't see it as clearly. There were times when I ended long and serious friendships by simply vanishing after a poorly executed conversation. What do I mean by "poorly executed"? Probably that I didn't receive the feedback I wanted to hear. Yes, it's a tough story. I felt uncomfortable in those situations, unable to resolve them. I wasn't at a level of emotional maturity to express it all in words. I know that it's quite a sensitive area when, during a friendly conversation, instead of the expected support, you receive a counter-reaction and how you react to it. In the past, I would close myself off in these situations.

 

Why do we run away? Maybe it's difficult to fully engage in a given situation and to express our opinions right then and there? Maybe we still need to gather strength to formulate our opinions in a way that is not aimed at hurting others. Or maybe we are simply afraid and resort to our ingrained negative patterns because they provide a certain sense of security (or the illusion of it).

 

My experience is that we do not continue fleeing when we are ready to confront our own weaknesses. This is one of the most important stages of self-awareness, as it opens new doors towards accepting oneself. However, it is not easy to reach this point, and it definitely requires a personal inner key that helps release the tension within us.

 

My key is to talk. I express what I feel, kindly but firmly. These are my boundaries that I stick to. But in order to be able to speak, I need time. Time is a valued friend that allows me to organize my thoughts and emotions. Usually, a short walk around the house is enough for me to return to the situation as myself.

  

Even now, there are situations in which I choose to step out of them, perhaps the only difference is that I don't want to run away, but consciously see that it would be more beneficial to ask for time, allowing me to continue the conversation without confronting my conversational partner with my warrior self. Some people count to ten in difficult situations, some take a deep breath, I ask for time and take a walk around the house because it ensures that I don't disappear forever.