How I let go of control for a week

 

I am the type of person who liked to have control over their life. For decades, I chose a job that allowed me to have complete control over events. As an events manager, detailed planning, design plans, scripts, and deadlines were my faithful companions. I also followed this pattern in my personal life, where I even kept separate lists for my annual plans, goals, finances, and vacations. My whole life was a giant Excel spreadsheet, and if something didn't go according to plan, I immediately felt like I lost my footing and became upset. The unexpected turn of events caused such resistance and frustration in me that I pushed myself even harder and fought for my plans to materialise. Needless to say, I constantly failed. My spiritual studies, meditation, and practicing conscious presence helped alleviate my need for control, but I must admit that I often fell back into the sea of control. 

For me, the spiritual path is not a finished road where I reach an end. My spiritual journey is a continuous discovery, a series of new layers and realisations, where every new knowledge has its place and significance. Timely information can open internal doors that help break the program I was born with. An important part of my program was that control provided security.

Although I intellectually knew that I should step back in my life and let things happen to me, I couldn't achieve this in practice. That is, until I met Chris. Chris, an average sixty-year-old Englishman, was introduced to me by one of my friends. What fascinated me was that Chris's personality was the exact opposite of mine. Chris lived his life with infinite peace and conviction, believing that everything will work out as it should. And being aware of this, he didn't need control. His life was surrounded by the tranquillity of this belief. Chris is the kind of person who, if I say I need a rare part for my coffee maker that I couldn't even get from the Italian coffee machine manufacturer, will show up an hour later with the desired part. And it turns out that during a casual walk, he struck up a conversation with an Italian man who was decluttering his belongings and asked Chris if he would accept a rare coffee machine part as a gift.

"I'm tired of constantly fighting with my life," I confessed to Chris unexpectedly, almost in reaction to his stories. He advised me to try letting things just happen to me for a week. Be conscious enough to listen to the feelings that arise within me and follow where I feel ease. In retrospect, this was the point where mental knowledge met an inner readiness, and I wasn't afraid to jump into the unknown. 

On the first day of the following week, I wrote a song using GarageBand, even though I basically have no knowledge of music composition. But the process itself was so effortless and playful that I easily immersed myself into it.

The next day, I woke up in a semi-conscious state, started writing, and an hour later, the structure of a book had formed. The book that I have been planning for years but never had the courage to start writing.

On the third and fourth day, I randomly bumped into people on the street with whom a few words turned into deep conversations, sharing project ideas, and the satisfying feeling that we were meant to meet.

On the fifth day, driven by a crazy idea, I brought bubble blowers to my workplace and blew bubbles with my colleagues during lunch break.

On the sixth day, I continued writing, and on the seventh day, I found myself in an inspiring company through a friendly invitation.

Then on the eighth day, I fell back into my old reality, where I immediately evaluated, doubted, and tried to control the newly arrived opportunities. All in all, I experienced an extraordinary week, filled with carefree experiences, but I couldn't maintain that level of energy. However, the taste of ease I received remained with me as a powerful memory, and I strive to consciously incorporate it into my life.

I still plan about seventy percent of my life because it is difficult for me to let go of the illusion of security that comes with it. However, in the remaining part, I consciously choose to step back and make room for ease. I no longer fight with the happenings in my life; I rather entrust myself to the Universe.