On how to choose a hobby

 

I vividly remember that summer when I wandered aimlessly and moody among the chaos of everyday life. Somehow, I had lost the enthusiasm that I had valued so highly. I no longer found joy in any activity. There were weekends when all I did was stare at the ceiling and didn't even leave the couch. As the feeling of inner helplessness increasingly took hold of me, my curiosity about why this was happening grew stronger. How could it be that I, who spent a significant part of my adult years driven by goals and chasing new plans, now find myself at forty-one without any idea of what to do next?

In retrospect, I realised that this certain age itself played a significant role of this state. Since then, I have read about the phenomenon of a midlife crisis, where some people in their early forties lose their footing for a while, only to realise that if they are truly halfway through their lives, they should approach the next chapter with more consciousness. For me, this crisis lasted only two months, and by the end of it, I managed to squeeze out the idea that if I wanted to live a more purposeful life, then I needed a hobby that I would do purely for pleasure. But how could I start if I wasn't interested in anything? I felt that only my job interested me, and my whole life revolved around it, basically my job was my hobby, and I was okay with that. Well, it turned out to be a misconception as I felt a sense of aimlessness despite my otherwise creative job.

Since I had no idea how to begin finding my hobby, I asked myself the following questions:

What interested me as a child?

I only remembered part of this because my mother had preserved the relics of what I had created during my preschool years. Drawn stories, comics, fairy tales created by using my overflowing imagination. Okay, so I enjoyed drawing back then, although I have undoubtedly lost that skill since then, and I'm not that interested in drawing anyway, so it's a dead end.

Moreover, I probably enjoyed creating stories and telling them. This could be interesting because I still enjoy storytelling, although not in writing. I simply can't write, and I never thought I could.

What is something I have always wanted to try but never dared to?

My list was: swimming, playing music, photography, graffiti.

Unfortunately, I had a fear of water as a child, so swimming was out of the question, and I always regretted it, but somehow, I never pushed myself to attend adult swimming lessons because it seemed unrealistic to practice floating in the company of preschool groups.

I have always wanted to play music, and I find it amazing if someone is a skilled musician, and writing music still fascinates me regardless of the genre. But in my early childhood, the feedback was that I had no sense of rhythm or hearing, so ever since, I have just been a distant music lover.

As a child, the world of analogue cameras seemed wonderful to me, especially when a camera could be used artistically. Photography requiring serious technical equipment seemed complicated at first, but I was incredibly drawn to this world.

Since high school, I have been inexplicably attracted to all forms of street art. I am not talking about purposelessly placed genitals and meaningless tags. For me, artistic street art doesn't destroy but rather adds to the character of a street. I always thought that graffiti was a act for teenagers, and with aging I was gradually moving away from that dream.

As you can see, I managed to talk myself out of everything, not giving a chance to any tiny thing that might be interesting or lead me down a new path.

Fortunately, my desire to take action was stronger than the negative self-talk, and eventually I enrolled in a basic photography course. Since then, I have realised that photography is not my true hobby, but I have learned a lot, such as photographic techniques, ways of seeing, and colour combinations that I still use. Starting something new the first time was terrifying, but every minute was worth it. Especially because it set me on a path where I could try anything else with the same enthusiasm. I could be a beginner and learn new things just for the sake of fun.

I realised that the essence of a hobby is not to take ourselves too seriously but to engage in an activity that we can immerse ourselves in and experience genuine joy. And it doesn't matter if it's swimming, drawing, writing, playing music, photography, or graffiti. I know this for sure because I eventually tried them all, and each one brought great excitement, fulfilment, and fun at the same time. Regardless of age, ability, or other people's opinions.