What does it mean for me to be enough?

 

"You are not enough" is a sentence, I know quite well. Not enough for the next project, for a bigger position, as a colleague or as a friend.

But maybe the most painful was a simple "you are just not enough" from a man with whom a romantic relationship was developing, and while I was under the impression that we were slowly but surely moving towards, his reaction concentrated in this one sentence.

This hit me hard. My initial reaction was self-blame, I searched for my own responsibility for how things turned out. Only journaling provided some sort of relief.

I have been using Julia Cameron's Morning pages technique for years. According to this, I write three pages immediately after waking up, every day. Without planning, thinking or any restrictions, but almost still half-asleep. As the written emotions and thoughts are put on paper, they start to dissolve and as a result, I am able to observe them from a detached perspective, and no longer identify myself with them, while also coming to some extraordinary conclusions. On this occasion, I observed the following:

I am enough because I am my own self, with all my flaws and imperfections.

If I am enough for myself, that provides my emotional centre.

If I am centred, anyone can question me, but can only temporarily unsettle me.

Those who question or manipulate me emotionally in any way are likely not worth my time.

However, I am responsible for my decisions and reactions. Therefore, I can choose not to blame or punish myself anymore.

I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, but if I want to I am able to grow and change.

I am enough, even just by being here, just as I am.

Listening to the siren song of more, we are deaf to the still small voice waiting in our soul to whisper, ‘You’re enough.’ - Julia Cameron